Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

This story does not mention Dancing With The Stars, but I assume Chaz Bono will be getting more stories in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter as long as he is part of that competition. The Star reports on his wedding plans to longtime girlfriend Jennifer Elia and their plans to adopt.

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Publication: Us Weekly

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Welcome to gossip hell, Sarah Michelle Gellar! Us Weekly gives her a semi-pleasant introduction to the supermarket checkout rags, mentioning that she's a new mom - always a plus - and explaining why she is returning to TV on a new series called Ringer, which will air on the CW network.

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Publication: Us Weekly

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Welcome to gossip hell, Tia Mowry! It's more appropriate to call it gossip heck, because the star of the 90s sitcom Sister, Sister makes her supermarket rag debut this decade as the mother of a cute and healthy baby named Cree, the most positive kind of story the gossip rags carry.



Best wishes to all concerned.

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Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 1 August 2011

It's been nearly a half year since I used the Pulling A Bullock™ label, the idea that a female celebrity adopts a baby who has been on the bad side of publicity adopts a baby, possibly with the intention of getting some positive press. While the gossip rags wrote that others were going to do it, notably Eva Longoria and Jennifer Aniston, so far those have been unsubstantiated rumors.

Enter Denise Richards, former wife of famous hot mess Charlie Sheen. She has adopted a five week old baby girl and has named her Eloise Joni.

Best wishes to all concerned.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 1 August 2011

The first pictures of the new baby of Victoria and David Beckham, a girl named Harper Seven Beckham, are being published worldwide this week. I nicked this copy from an Australian newspaper, and it's the same as the one on the cover of Weekly Life & Style. Mom is not shown.

Best wishes to all concerned.

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Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Victoria Beckham had a baby girl, named her Harper Seven. This is her fourth child.

While she and her husband David Beckham are handsome people, I never thought they were good at maths. Fortunately, the silly name is a middle name and can be kept under wraps while at school.

Kate Hudson had a baby boy. Gave him the relatively normal name of Ryder Russell.

Best wishes to all concerned.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 18 July 2011

Last October, Charlie Sheen raised the bar on crazy by attacking a prostitute in a New York City hotel room while naked. Earlier that evening, he had introduced his companion to his ex-wife Denise Richards. The Only Ten Magazines That Matter only cover the Sheen story in fits and starts, not like the treatment they give BrAngelina or Jennifer Aniston or Kim Kardashian, and Ms. Richards appears to be far removed from the scene, so they cover her not at all.

Last week, she adopted a baby girl, which is a good way to get positive coverage from the supermarket rags.

Best wishes to all involved and keep the kid as far away from Charlie as possible.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Most of the women from the Real Housewives franchise that get multiple covers on the Only Ten Magazines That Matter are protrayed as bitches and gold diggers, but the supermarket rags have been relatively kind to Atlanta's Kim Zolciak. This week, she gets the best kind of treatment and female celebrity can get, pictures of her and her adorable baby. The boy's name is Kroy Jagger, which is not only unfortunate, it's also his daddy's name.

Best wishes to all involved.

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(photo by Regine Mahoux/Getty)
Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 11 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Welcome to gossip hell, Alicia Silverstone! Actually, she's in the nicest section of the supermarket rag world, the rooms reserved for recent moms and their adorable babies. The boy's name is Bear Blu Jarecki, which he can legally have changed sometime in the 2030s when he reaches the age of consent, but by then the damage will have already been done.

Best wishes to the happy family.

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Publication: People
Date: 4 July 2011

It's easy to think the world of celebrities is filled with weirdos, but the gossip rags do want to publish good news from a traditional family perspective, with the majority of the focus on female celebrities. Of all the positive stories they tell about women, there is none more positive than a new mother with her baby, which is the treatment alleged bad girl Pink gets on the cover of People this week.

Best wishes to all concerned.

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Publication: People online
Date: 14 June 2011

People reports that Natalie Portman has given birth to a son. No mention of the child's weight or his name.

Best wishes to the happy family.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 20 June 2011

Just in case you missed it, Weekly Life & Style wants you to know that Kim Zolciak of Real Housewives fame has given birth to a baby boy.

And the entertainer Pink has given birth to a baby girl.

Best wishes to all concerned.

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