Publication: Star
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! It's hard to tell what is true in the gossip rags unless you have heard it verified by the people involved or in more reputable sources, but you do have to admire the attention to detail in some of this phony baloney. Case in point, Star uses up most of the front cover to say that Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds secretly married recently. Here are the headlines.

• Sandra & Ryan's secret Texas Wedding
• Shock of the year
• Backyard ceremony
• The best man: Louis!
• Only 25 guests

I love the idea that Louis was best man. I hope he didn't get carried away when he made the toast to the happy couple.

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Publications: People, OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Star
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on... Wednesdays!?! Yes, there is clearly the Story of the Week, so let's get an early start on it. Some combination Brad and Jen and Angie and Justin (Theroux, the odd man out when it comes to gossip fame in this crowd) show up on an astonishing seven of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, and given that none of them are old enough to be interesting to the Globe and the low rent Examiner and Nostradamus foolishly forgot to make any prophecies about them that would be published in the Sun, seven is just about the max anyone can get.

The National Enquirer story is way different from the others, so it will get its own post tomorrow.

Brad Pitt was interviewed in Parade magazine in the publicity run-up to his new movie Moneyball and he made some comments about having no ambition in the 1990s and his marriage to Jennifer Aniston no being what he had hoped for. This has caused a stink and he has publicly apologized, but that doesn't stop the gossip rags from flying off the handle in a jillion different directions. Here are the headlines.

• People: Brad to Jen: 'I'm Sorry'
• OK!: Brad to Jen: I've been living a lie!
  Brad publicly apologizes to Jen
  The shocking truth is finally revealed!
  A humiliated Angelina is devastated
• In Touch: Brad's insults spark a new war
  Jen's man threatens Brad
  Inside their explosive Sept. 14 showdown
  Justin calls Brad a "wimp" and warns, "Shut your mouth!"
  PLUS How Angelina is still fueling the fire
• Weekly Life & Style: Why Brad's jealous of Jen
• Us Weekly: Brad trashes their marriage
  Jen demands an apology
  Enraged by Pitt's cruel attack, Aniston refuses to let him spoil her happiness
• Star: Jen rips Brad for trashing her
  The furious phone call
  
  

As you can see, this story is all over the place. Tomorrow, one completely different gossip story that includes Jen and Angie and Justin and leaves Brad completely out of the picture.

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Publication: Star

Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Jay-Z!  While his bride Beyoncé get mentioned on the cover of a supermarket rag every two months or so on average, This is the multi-platinum rapper's first story in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

 

And it's not an auspicious beginning. In an exclusive story, Star says Jay-Z is the father of a love child and this is a "shock" for his newly pregnant wife.

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Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Ali Lohan! Lindsay's little sister works as a model and is only 17, but she's already had a remarkably unnecessary and unattractive plastic surgery and has lost a ridiculous amount of weight.

Another shining testament to the parenting skills of the elder Lohans.

Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Dying to be thin (pictures of Lohan and Taylor Armstrong)
• Star: Ali Lohan plastic surgery scandal
  She's only 17
  

I debated whether the phrase "dying to be thin" should be considered a figure of speech or if Lohan and Armstrong should be put on the tabloid vulture watch. Given how tough a stretch Taylor Armstrong is going through and what a mess the Lohan family is, I decided it should be considered more literal than figurative and used the label Not Long 4 This World (indirect), the lowest level of tabloid death watch. Both probably have long lives in front of them, but adding them to the list is not going to ruin the tabloids' track record, which is very bad indeed. After adding these names, there have been 91 people marked for death in the rags since the beginning of 2010 and only ten of them have died so far.

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Publication: Star
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Yet again, Angelina Jolie is excoriated for her weight, which Star says is down to 94 lbs.

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(Photo copyright Splash 2011)
Publications: Us Weekly, Star
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The new narrative emerges strongly this week in the Kardashian Family Circus. Kim's sisters hate her new husband and are clearly happy to rat to the gossip rags about any friction they see between the newlyweds. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Kim defends her love
  Her sisters hate Kris
  Khloe & Kourtney accuse Kris of using Kim for fame.
  How her new love is dividing her family
• Star: Kardashians tell all
  Newlywed Kim miserable already
  fighting over her fortune
  Kris tells Kim: I'm tired of faking it for TV
  Family turns against him

Read more »

Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

This story does not mention Dancing With The Stars, but I assume Chaz Bono will be getting more stories in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter as long as he is part of that competition. The Star reports on his wedding plans to longtime girlfriend Jennifer Elia and their plans to adopt.

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Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The Star goes for the whole enchilada with a story that the former Kate Middleton is not only pregnant, but pregnant with twins. Here are the headlines.

• Kate pregnant with twins
• The official announcement
• A boy and a girl
• Now she's struggling to gain weight
• Wills'N'Kate overjoyed
  
  

The only thing official about this story is that it's been officially denied already.

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Publications: In Touch, Star, OK!, National Enquirer
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Lots of stories about Sandra and Ryan this week, but not much consensus. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Ryan make Sandra happier than ever with a baby at 47!
  PLUS Why Ryan is the perfect dad!
  OK! exclusive
• Star: New drama for Ryan & Sandra: his ex gets involved
• In Touch: Sandra: New dad for Louis
• National Enquirer: Sandra betrayed by Ryan!
  He still loves ex-wife Scarlett

Read more »

Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! I've read some seriously trumped up stories in the tabloids over the past 20 months or so, but this one takes the cake.

And throws it in the trash.

Here are the ridiculous headlines.

• Trouble already
• Kim throws away her wedding cake
• Dumped in the trash!
  

This is silly. She gets paid to look like she does in the picture above. Wedding cake might as well be labeled "career poison" as far as Li'l Kim is concerned.

I honestly think there is a chance Kris will walk away from this circus eventually, but this is just nonsense.

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Publications: Weekly Life & Style, Star
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

If these headlines were about anyone else, I'd think it was planted crap in the gossip rags to build up a buzz because Brad Pitt has a movie coming out later this month called Moneyball. But the supermarket rags have BrAngelina stuff week in and week out regardless if either of them has a project that's about to be released. Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Inside Brad & Angie's bedroom
• Star: Angie tells Brad: Get out!
  His late nights with sexy, young assistant push her over the edge
  He met Angelina on the set too!

Read more »

Publications: Star, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

Still more about the alleged cuckolding of Will Smith in the supermarket rags this week, though only Jada's name appears in all three headlines, which are as follows.

• Weekly Life & Style: Did Marc really chose Jada over J. Lo?
• In Touch: Jada & Marc: what J. Lo knew
  
• Star: Will & Jada: Scientology and Gay Scandal
  Truth about their marriage

Doesn't being famous look like all the fun in the world?

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Publication: Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



According to Star, recently wed Katy Perry and Russell Brand are going through a rough patch. The magazine promises to tell "the truth about Russell & blonde".



This is probably my least favorite couple outside of some reality TV pairings. To me she represents what's wrong with the music industry and he represents what's wrong with humanity.

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Publications: People, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, OK!, Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Only Ten Magazines That Matter treated the wedding of Kim Kardashian as a Big Damn Deal this week, with slightly less coverage than the Royal Wedding this spring, but more coverage than Chelsea Clinton last year.



Behold the power of reality TV.



Here are the headlines.

• People: Kim's wedding album
  
  The exclusive photos!
  
  only in People
  
  Gown! Guests! Glamour!
  
  Every delicious detail!
• In Touch: Kim's $400,000 wedding gift
• Weekly Life & Style: Kim's wedding album
  
  the ring, the dresses and that 7-foot cake
• Us Weekly: Kim's wedding
  
  fairy tale or fake?
  
  Inside her lavish $17 million I do's
• OK!: Kim's Fairy-tale wedding
• Star: Kim's wild wedding
  
  drunk stars and a shocking twist - only in Star

It's not surprising that Star would find a negative angle, but it is a little surprising that Us Weekly goes nasty, too. While I get the feeling there is some Kardashian backlash going on, the next logical step in the story is the pregnancy watch, and the gossip rags cannot help themselves when it comes to speculation about babies.



I don't think Kim is going away just yet. The rest of the Kardashian clan may be waning, but she has set herself up perfectly for the modern gossip industry.

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Publications: OK!, Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two magazines once again want to make more of the Sandra Bullock-Ryan Reynolds friendship, though the story has been denied in the past. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Sandra & Ryan getting married
  
  Exclusive photos & details of their secret getaway
  
  Ryan's acting like a dad.
  
  Inside their hush-hush romance
• OK!: Sandra & Ryan: Together again
  
  new pics inside
  
  

The picture on the cover of Star that looks paternal is Sandra and Ryan hiking with little Louis being carried by him instead of her.

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Publications: Us Weekly, Star, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! No set of unused ovaries have been the focus of more speculation than those of Jennifer Aniston over the past few years, and this week we get three more stories saying she is definitely pregnant. Looking online, I have not seen the denials of this particular round of rumors, but she did deny the rumors from earlier this month. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Jen's Baby Countdown
  
  she suddenly quit smoking and drinking
  
  Decorating a new home with Justin
  
  And now, weight gain and morning sickness
• Weekly Life & Style: Fertility doctor gives Jen the good news
  
  It's Twins!
  
  Her bump gets bigger
  
  World exclusive
• Star: First look!
  
  Jen's baby nursery

Read more »

Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Star has a small blurb on the cover about the 50 richest women in Hollywood. Instead of going with pictures of the most popular gossip celebrities, they have a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker, who has a movie coming out in the middle of next month.

And they put in a picture of Britney Spears, who is currently on tour.

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Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Before Kanye West behaved like an asshole at the MTV Awards, I barely knew who Taylor Swift was. Now she's a minor gossip star for her romantic misadventures. Star tells us she's back together with Taylor Lautner from the Twilight series, the two of them seen here in a serious PDA.

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Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Welcome to gossip hell, Tobey Maguire! The Star says he is to be named in an FBI report, probably as a result of the poker game that got ratted to the feds by a broke-ass hedge fund manager.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star devotes most of the cover to three soon to be brides and the troubles that face them.

Christina: Secret ceremony

Jessica: Panic, tears and cold feet

Kim Last-minute dramatic texts from her ex!



There are also pink dots between the stories that have these headlines.

• Guess who's being betrayed by her man
• Revealed! Find out who's pregnant
  
  

Stay classy, Star!

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