Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Ali Lohan! Lindsay's little sister works as a model and is only 17, but she's already had a remarkably unnecessary and unattractive plastic surgery and has lost a ridiculous amount of weight.

Another shining testament to the parenting skills of the elder Lohans.

Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Dying to be thin (pictures of Lohan and Taylor Armstrong)
• Star: Ali Lohan plastic surgery scandal
  She's only 17
  

I debated whether the phrase "dying to be thin" should be considered a figure of speech or if Lohan and Armstrong should be put on the tabloid vulture watch. Given how tough a stretch Taylor Armstrong is going through and what a mess the Lohan family is, I decided it should be considered more literal than figurative and used the label Not Long 4 This World (indirect), the lowest level of tabloid death watch. Both probably have long lives in front of them, but adding them to the list is not going to ruin the tabloids' track record, which is very bad indeed. After adding these names, there have been 91 people marked for death in the rags since the beginning of 2010 and only ten of them have died so far.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 29 Sept. 2011

In what shapes up to be a very mean week in the gossip rags, the Globe claims that two dead people were in fact murdered, though official causes say otherwise.

Russell Armstrong, widely reported to have committed suicide, was instead executed, according to the Globe.

Promising autopsy secrets and new evidence, the cover story also claims James Brown was assassinated while in the hospital.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Teresa Giudice, she of the low forehead and scary eyebrows, is renewing her vows with her husband Joe, who is supposed to be heading to The Big House, if memory serves. Here are the headlines.

• A wedding to save the relationship
• Exclusive photos
• Despite Joe's drunken bullying, Teresa refuses to leave him.
• Inside their emotional - over-the-top second wedding
  

Tammy Wynette would be proud.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Yet another grab bag story about female celebrities who are way too skinny, this time from Weekly Life & Style. Here are the particulars.

• Brad begs Angie to eat as the frail star drops to her lowest weight ever
• Delusional Katie: I'm too fat to make it in Hollywood
• Devastated Taylor: barely eating
• LeAnn: Starving to keep her man
• Stars' Dangerous Tricks for Not Feeling Hungry
  
  

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

You might think the supermarket rags would realize that they are an important component in the horrible ecology of reality TV fame and the misery it causes.

Well, they might realize it, but most of them don't give a rat's ass.

One more story about Taylor Armstrong after her estranged husband (and accused wife beater) commits suicide.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

I rarely commend the low rent Examiner, but I'm glad to see them come out against reality TV in general. If another supermarket rag did this, it would likely be hypocritical, but the low rent Examiner doesn't do stories about the Kardashians or Teen Mom the rest of the shows that snoop into not famous people's lives for no good reason. They will tell stories about Dancing With The Stars or cooking shows, but that's a slightly different part of the genre.

The sub-headline says that reality TV has cause nine suicides and twenty divorces, and they have pictures of Camille Grammer of Real Housewives, Kat Von D. of LA Ink and Justin Tennison of The Deadliest Catch, who was found dead in a Homer, Alaska hotel room last February.

They also have a poll inside to find out what their viewers think.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 29 August 2011



I don't claim this blog is of earth shattering importance, but the idea is to keep track of stories over time. Weekly Life & Style has a quote from Bethenny Frankel admitting that she is too thin right now. In February, Us Weekly had a story that she said she used to be obsessed about being thin.



The first step is admitting you have a problem.

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Publication: Star

Date: 22 August 2011



Star has a story of new scandals on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, with pictures of Camille Grammer, Lisa Vanderpump and Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife Brandi Glanville on the cover.



These scandals pale in comparison to the suicide of Taylor Armstrong's estranged husband Russell yesterday, well after the magazine hit the stands.

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Publication: TMZ online

Date: 16 August 2011



TMZ reports that Russell Armstrong, estranged husband of Taylor Armstrong of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has hung himself. No note has been found.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 15 August 2011



Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!



Most stories about Real Housewife Taylor Armstrong discuss her anorexia. This new story from the Flagship says her husband dislocated her jaw and almost blinded her and she needed surgery to recover.



It should be noted that Russell Armstrong committed suicide just days after this story hit the stands.

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This is a link to the post above, made necessary by too many labels.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Real Housewife Teresa Giudice is still the focus of the women chosen from the New Jersey version, now that her husband is going to jail and she is filing for bankruptcy. Here are the headlines.

• The truth about their shocking debt
• Bullied by "friends" for being broke
• Her marriage crisis: "I hope my girls never have to rely on a man."
  
  

There are also smaller pictures of 11 other housewives who are going broke. Names are not included, so I'm not sure who they are. I'm sure Karen Zipdrive could look at all the pictures and identify them, but that sounds like work and I wouldn't make her do that.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 25 July 2011

The supermarket checkout rags not owned by AMI - People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly and In Touch - don't beat up real celebrities as much as the AMI publications do, because they actually get interviews and they need to keep access. On the other hand, they don't have to worry about access to reality TV stars, because the shows make certain they can get publicity, whether positive or negative. Because they do not fear reality TV stars, the magazines can tell as many negative stories as they want.

Right now, the most exploited sitting ducks are a whole mess of young girls from Teen Mom, the silly publicity hounds on The Bachelor/Bachelorette and Teresa Guidice from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Once again, she is mocked for having yet more plastic surgery.

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Publications: In Touch, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 11 July 2011

The Real Housewives franchise always has a selection of women, but each season someone turns out to be Queen Bitch and gets all the tabloid headlines. In this season of the New Jersey story, it's Teresa Giudice. The Queen Bitch usually need an aggrieved adversary, and that role is being played by Melissa Gorga. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Baby boy for Teresa
  Pregnancy bombshell
  With her husband facing prison, she shares her bittersweet news
  crazy cravings and terrified of gaining 50 pounds again
  Her fears over raising 5 kids alone
  PLUS: the baby's name - revealed!
• Us Weekly: Melissa hurt by Teresa's lies
• OK! As husband Joe faces jail, Teresa pursues a new man

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Most of the women from the Real Housewives franchise that get multiple covers on the Only Ten Magazines That Matter are protrayed as bitches and gold diggers, but the supermarket rags have been relatively kind to Atlanta's Kim Zolciak. This week, she gets the best kind of treatment and female celebrity can get, pictures of her and her adorable baby. The boy's name is Kroy Jagger, which is not only unfortunate, it's also his daddy's name.

Best wishes to all involved.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Teresa Guidice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has a husband going to jail and has recently filed for bankruptcy. The Enquirer wants you to know she hid away enough money to get $40,000 worth of plastic surgery.

Is there some procedure that will give you a forehead if you are forehead impaired? That would be the first thing I'd recommend working on.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 27 June 2011

The husband of Teresa Giudice, the gossip rags' favorite Real Housewife of New Jersey, is going to jail. Teresa is not happy about this. Here are the headlines.

• In a shocking exclusive interview, she opens up about:
• Her husband being locked up for 10 years
• Raising her kids alone
• "I'm terrified"

Back in late May, Teresa had a headline that read "Fame destroyed my family!"

Yep, fame and illegal activities are a bad cocktail.

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Publication: Star magazine
Date: 20 June 2011

Star uses most of the cover this week to show women who are too skinny as far as they are concerned. The list includes Ashlee Simpson, Courtney Love, Keira Knightley, Taylor Momsen, Tara Reid, Gretchen Rossi, Candice Swanepoel and a blocked out face "Guess who?" picture of Taylor Armstrong from Real Housewives that was on the cover of Star last April.

The magazine expects their readers have the attention spans of gnats. They may be right as far as that goes.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 20 June 2011

Just in case you missed it, Weekly Life & Style wants you to know that Kim Zolciak of Real Housewives fame has given birth to a baby boy.

And the entertainer Pink has given birth to a baby girl.

Best wishes to all concerned.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 13 June 2011

This is the fourth story in four weeks about Teresa Giudice of Real Housewives of New Jersey. All of the stories have been in In Touch or Weekly Life & Style, two magazines owned by the German conglomerate Bauer. They say the magazines have separate editorial boards and different foci, but they seem to me just as joined at the hip as the AMI kennel is.

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