Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The Sun didn't have a useful headline this week, but it was close. It said Nostradamus had predictions for 2012, but it gave nothing specific on the cover and I don't open these magazines up.

On the other hand, the Weekly World News did have a headline worth reporting, a story about O.J. Simpson's "hush-hush" wedding inside prison. The sub-headline reads "You'll never guess who the bride is!"

Again, I didn't open the magazine up, but factoring in that it's reported in the Weekly World News, my guess would be the bride is O.J.

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Publication: OK!
Date: 26 Sept. 2001

OK!, the most positive scandal rag if not the most reliable, doubles down on the cover story with two unsubstantiated rumors, the marriage plans of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, allegedly planning to wed in December, AND the wedding plans of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Of course, their take in the situation is that the witch Angelina is planning on getting married just to ruin Jennifer's wedding.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The stories of the reconciling of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are just a few weeks old and Weekly Life & Style has a headline that reads "Justin & Jessica: Finally a wedding".

Color me unconvinced.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Teresa Giudice, she of the low forehead and scary eyebrows, is renewing her vows with her husband Joe, who is supposed to be heading to The Big House, if memory serves. Here are the headlines.

• A wedding to save the relationship
• Exclusive photos
• Despite Joe's drunken bullying, Teresa refuses to leave him.
• Inside their emotional - over-the-top second wedding
  

Tammy Wynette would be proud.

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Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

This story does not mention Dancing With The Stars, but I assume Chaz Bono will be getting more stories in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter as long as he is part of that competition. The Star reports on his wedding plans to longtime girlfriend Jennifer Elia and their plans to adopt.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Usually, the nicest stories in the gossip rags are weddings and babies, so Elin Nordegren finding a new fella should be a positive story. But this is the Enquirer, the nastiest gossip rag around, so they have to add the tagline "Tiger's outrage!" to put this story in the negative column.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick make their return to the covers of the supermarket rags, but only as an afterthought. Weekly Life & Style has a big picture of Kim Kardashian and her new hubby Kris Humphries on the cover and a single headline with no picture that reads "Plus: Kourtney says 'yes' to Scott".



I'm not sure if the quotation marks around 'yes' are meant to signify an actual quote or some ironic comment by the headline writers.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!



The Enquirer has a story that Lady Gaga is going to have a secret wedding and tells you, the reader, how you can attend.



This story is odd for several reasons. Let me list them.

1. This is the first time the Enquirer has mentioned Lady Gaga this decade. She's really not aimed at their demographic.
2. It's a generally positive story from the Meanest Tabloid In The United States.
3. If the wedding is a secret, how can any old person in a supermarket checkout line attend?

As odd as the story was, I didn't open the rag up to find the answer to the last question.

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Publications: OK!, Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two magazines once again want to make more of the Sandra Bullock-Ryan Reynolds friendship, though the story has been denied in the past. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Sandra & Ryan getting married
  
  Exclusive photos & details of their secret getaway
  
  Ryan's acting like a dad.
  
  Inside their hush-hush romance
• OK!: Sandra & Ryan: Together again
  
  new pics inside
  
  

The picture on the cover of Star that looks paternal is Sandra and Ryan hiking with little Louis being carried by him instead of her.

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Publication: OK!, Us Weekly

Date: 29 August 2011



The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are not being as obsessive about Kim Kardashian's wedding this weekend as they were about the Wills'N'Kate's big to-do, but there are a passel of stories about wedding that have just recently happened or are about to happen or are at least being rumored.



OK! says Jennifer Aniston is planning to get married and Us Weekly says Jen and Justin (Theroux) are talking marriage. Her reps say this is just a rumor.

OK! says Eva Longoria is planning to get married. Her reps say this is just a rumor.



As I have written before, OK! is the nicest of the gossip rags, but not the most reliable.

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Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star devotes most of the cover to three soon to be brides and the troubles that face them.

Christina: Secret ceremony

Jessica: Panic, tears and cold feet

Kim Last-minute dramatic texts from her ex!



There are also pink dots between the stories that have these headlines.

• Guess who's being betrayed by her man
• Revealed! Find out who's pregnant
  
  

Stay classy, Star!

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Publications: Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, OK!, Star

Date: 29 August 2011



We are less than 72 hours from the wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries this Saturday, August 20, and the wedding is the biggest story of the week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, with three magazine headlines and a fourth where she is part of a trio of soon to be brides. Here are the solo stories.

• Us Weekly: Kim's big day
  
  three wedding dresses
• OK!: exclusive interview complete coverage
  
  Kim weds!
  
  Gorgeous photos
  
  Touching gifts
  
  'Vera Wang made the perfect dress'
• Weekly Life & Style: Wedding of the year!
  
  All the romantic details
  
  two stunning Vera Wang gowns and a $15,000 cake
  
  Celebrating with 720 bottles of wine
  
  Kim in tears after Kris' touching promise
  
  Official interview: "Now I want babies!"

Notice that the magazines can't even agree on how many gowns there are, but they do agree that Vera Wang made them all. As for "Wedding of the Year!", there were six stories about Wills and Kate the Thursday before they got hitched, and I'm absolutely certain this wedding is not going to create a new tabloid person of interest like Pippa Middleton.



Still, this wedding has made weddings in general a big topic this week, and this blog wishes every happiness to all concerned.

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Publication: OK!

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! For the past few months, Kim has been the only Kardashian sister of interest to the supermarket rags, but OK! bring Khloe and Kourtney back on the cover... to talk about Kim's wedding. The headline reads:



Obsessing over everything from the gown to the guest list, Kim's family promises she'll have the perfect day.

There is also a sidebar about other celebs giving advice, with a picture of Kendra Wilkinson, the only other reality TV star in the top ten of gossip rag cover stories over the past two years.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style says there's been a secret Kardashian wedding. The cover picture has Kim and her beau Kris Humphries, due to be wed in a lavish blow-out some time this month, and Kourtney, Scott Disick - the forgotten man of the Kardashian gossip machine - and the cute little tyke Mason.



Since Kim and Kris would elope only under pain of death and being fired from the family, we are left to assume Scott has finally made an honest woman of Kourtney.

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Publications: In Touch, Star, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash... on Wednesdays?!? Yeah, there a story being covered by four different supermarket rags and it's already being denied. Once again, it is about the not yet used uterus of America's Favorite Spinster, Jennifer Aniston.



Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Jen & Justin's Shotgun wedding!
  
  Pregnant already?
  
  A quickie beach ceremony, plans to raise their baby in NYC
  
  why friends fear Jen's moving too fast with a man she barely knows
• Weekly Life & Style: Jen & Justin: A wedding and a baby!
• Star: Jen makes it official
  
  Yes, I'm having a baby!
  
  Exclusive: Justin's family talks to Star
• Us Weekly: Trying for a baby
  
  Inside Jen's shocking decision to start a family with Justin - after just five months
  
  Says a pal, "She hasn't felt this way since Brad."
  
  

The website rumorfix.com talked to a representative of Ms. Aniston who called bullshit on the story. Just because the same thing is being said by four different supermarket rags in the same week does not make it true.

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Publication: OK!

Date: 15 August 2011



Only one Kardashian story in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week. It's not surprising that Kim is the focus and OK! is the gossip rag that is interested. Most of the rest of the supermarket magazines that would show an interest in this have been leaving it alone, and OK! calls many of their stories "exclusive". including this ten page spread with over 30 photos. Here are the headlines:

• Inside Kim's Bridal Shower
• Official coverage
• Kim invites OK! into her private celebration
• The lavish gifts, her fiance crashes the party, and the big surprise
• "I've never felt so loved"
  
  

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Publications: OK!, People, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Star
Date: 15 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The gossip rags love the Bachelor franchise, but the weird thing is that they love it after it stops airing. Everybody and their monkey knows this show's track record is dreadful, and why shouldn't it be? At the end, there's three people, somebody gets dumped big time in public and the other two know that the person who made the decision has been shopping around for a long, long time.

Here are the headlines.

• OK: Bachelorette Ashley: In love or in hell?
• People: (Only in People)
  Bachelorette Ashley engaged
  Love after lies
  "I had to follow my heart"
  How she's handling JP's jealousy
  Facing her family's disapproval
  Why she led Ben on: "I know there's going to be a backlash"
  Ben devastated
• Weekly Life & Style: Ashley and JP: Jealous fights already
• In Touch: JP's family: Don't marry Ashley
• Star: Bachelorette Ashley engaged & miserable
  The REAL story
  

Notice that People is holding out a glimmer of hope because they got an "exclusive". Everybody else, even the Pollyanna OK!, is saying this is one of the worst ideas in history.

As Rocket J. Squirrel was quoted as saying many times, "But that trick never works!"

This time for sure.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 8 August 2011



JonBenet Ramsey was murdered 15 years ago. Her mom Patsy Ramsey died five years ago. JonBenet's father John got re-married recently and the Enquirer thinks this is news.



While a young girl died, this isn't like Casey Anthony. The cops and the district attorney never had enough evidence to put anyone on trial and they came forward to exonerate the family, though some members of the press and the public have never accepted this.

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Publications: OK!, In Touch, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 8 August 2011

The stories this week about The Bachelorette either focus on Ashley or on J.P. Here are the headlines about her.

• National Enquirer: Bachelorette was rigged!
  Ashley's fake script and tears
• Us Weekly: Bachelorette Exclusive: Ashley says yes!
  

And the ones about J.P.

• OK!: The Bachelorette: J.P.'s secrets revealed
• In Touch: JP's secret double life
  Ashley fooled again!
  He's still madly in love with his ex, Stephanie
  A shocking celeb hook-up
  The real reason he went on the show
  Why marrying him could be Ashley's worst mistake ever!
  

This is why the gossip rags love the reality shows. They can write whatever they want without fear of losing access.

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Publication: TMZ online

Date: 29 July 2011



TMZ publishes a picture of a wedding invitation for Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. The date is Saturday, August 20, three weeks from tomorrow. It says black tie.



We'll see soon enough if this is the real deal or not.

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