Publication: Globe
Date: 29 Sept. 2011

In what shapes up to be a very mean week in the gossip rags, the Globe claims that two dead people were in fact murdered, though official causes say otherwise.

Russell Armstrong, widely reported to have committed suicide, was instead executed, according to the Globe.

Promising autopsy secrets and new evidence, the cover story also claims James Brown was assassinated while in the hospital.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Let the record show that while Taylor Armstrong was on the cover of several gossip rags because she was too skinny, The Only Ten Magazines That Matter ignored her husband Russell until the Enquirer wrote an article that said he beat her and put her in the hospital, and while the article was still on the stands, he committed suicide.



Now, after possibly driving the man to suicide, the Enquirer decides to kick a corpse and talk to his alleged gay lover. They also add the sub-headline "Housewives suicide tragedy!" just in case you forgot why this guy should be on the cover of a gossip rag.



I don't think outing a person is the worst thing in the world, but if that person isn't an anti-gay political figure like Marcus Bachmann or Rick Perry, I don't see the point.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe

Date: 20 August 2011



The Globe has an exclusive interview with Patrick Swayze's mom two year after his death.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 8 August 2011

In the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, the most popular types of stories about the recently deceased are the secrets taken to the grave, people feuding over the will and the "didn't have to die" stories. Peter Falk gets the third type of treatment this week from the Globe.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 8 August 2011

Okay, let's get the facts out of the way first. There are tapes of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis that have not been released to the public. According to reliable sources, Caroline Kennedy will authorize their release this September.

Now we are expected to believe the low rent Examiner has a source that will tell us what's on them. They promise a look inside her "shattered life" and the secret of who was really behind the assassination of JFK.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publications: People, National Enquirer, Star, Us Weekly, In Touch, OK!
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Amy Winehouse was a fixture in the British tabloids, but she was barely noticed in recent years on this side of the Atlantic until she died last week. Now there are six cover stories about her. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Amy Winehouse's tragic death
  Her Last Interview (Exclusive)
• Us Weekly: Amy Winehouse - Her Lonely Last Days
• In Touch: Amy Winehouse - Her Final Interview
• Star: Amy Winehouse - Fight before fatal drug binge
• People: Amy Winehouse dead at 27
  Talent and Tragedy
  Her Final Days
  The singer's anguished life and why those who loved her could not prevent her tragic death
  "It was only a matter of time", said her mom
• National Enquirer: Amy Winehouse was pregnant when she died!

Stay classy, Enquirer!

Best wishes to the family and friends of Amy Winehouse, from a fan.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 25 July 2011

The low rent Examiner continues with the popular gossip theory that his mother Princess Diana was murdered AND the heir to the throne knows the culprit. If you really think the car crash was a hit, watch this sketch by Mitchell and Webb and see if you don't think there are a few holes in the idea.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publications: People, Globe
Date: 11 July 2011

Peter Falk died last Friday, which gives the Only Ten Magazines That Matter plenty of time to consider whether to put him on the cover or not. People did something tasteful and the Globe didn't.

Quelle surprise.

Here are the headlines.

• People: Farewell Peter Falk
• Globe: Peter Falk - Tragic death secret
  Torment & hatred that drove Columbo star to his grave

Best wishes to the family and friends of Peter Falk, from a fan.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 4 July 2011

A lot of the American supermarket gossip rags are run by Brits who think we are WAY more interested in British royalty than we actually are. Somebody has decided to use some age advancement software on pictures of Princess Diana to give an idea of what she would look like now at the age of 50.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 20 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! James Arness died last Wednesday, and not surprisingly, one of the rags specializing in Hey Old Timer Gossip has to tell us about a secret he took to the grave.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 13 June 2011

People did not put a tribute to Jeff Conaway on the cover, but the Globe does the next best thing and questions the cause of his death.

Stay classy, Globe!

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