Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Before a few weeks ago, the stories about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were mostly positive, but now, everything is going to hell in a handbasket. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Kim'n'Kris: Will the marriage be annulled?
• In Touch: Kim disses Kris' family

In Touch is the meanest of the non-AMI gossip rags, so when they get catty, it's not a big surprise. OK!, on the other hand, is the nicest if not most reliable American supermarket tabloid. If they are going after the couple, it's open season.

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Publications: Us Weekly, In Touch
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! When Hollywood couples break up, the gossip rags tend to be more interested in how the woman is faring romantically than how the guy is doing. There are some exceptions to this and the most notable if 2011 is Ryan Reynolds, who divorced Scarlett Johannson late last year. He has been on the covers of the supermarket rags more often than she has. The latest alleged love for Reynolds is Olivia Wilde, his co-star from The Change-Up. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Ryan Moves on from Sandra - with Olivia Wilde!
• In Touch: Poor Sandra... Ryan & Olivia: It's On!
  

Notice how it's supposed to be Sandra Bullock's heart he is breaking with his new relationship. Scarlett is completely out of the picture, at least in the version on the covers this week.

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Publications: People, OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Star
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on... Wednesdays!?! Yes, there is clearly the Story of the Week, so let's get an early start on it. Some combination Brad and Jen and Angie and Justin (Theroux, the odd man out when it comes to gossip fame in this crowd) show up on an astonishing seven of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, and given that none of them are old enough to be interesting to the Globe and the low rent Examiner and Nostradamus foolishly forgot to make any prophecies about them that would be published in the Sun, seven is just about the max anyone can get.

The National Enquirer story is way different from the others, so it will get its own post tomorrow.

Brad Pitt was interviewed in Parade magazine in the publicity run-up to his new movie Moneyball and he made some comments about having no ambition in the 1990s and his marriage to Jennifer Aniston no being what he had hoped for. This has caused a stink and he has publicly apologized, but that doesn't stop the gossip rags from flying off the handle in a jillion different directions. Here are the headlines.

• People: Brad to Jen: 'I'm Sorry'
• OK!: Brad to Jen: I've been living a lie!
  Brad publicly apologizes to Jen
  The shocking truth is finally revealed!
  A humiliated Angelina is devastated
• In Touch: Brad's insults spark a new war
  Jen's man threatens Brad
  Inside their explosive Sept. 14 showdown
  Justin calls Brad a "wimp" and warns, "Shut your mouth!"
  PLUS How Angelina is still fueling the fire
• Weekly Life & Style: Why Brad's jealous of Jen
• Us Weekly: Brad trashes their marriage
  Jen demands an apology
  Enraged by Pitt's cruel attack, Aniston refuses to let him spoil her happiness
• Star: Jen rips Brad for trashing her
  The furious phone call
  
  

As you can see, this story is all over the place. Tomorrow, one completely different gossip story that includes Jen and Angie and Justin and leaves Brad completely out of the picture.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Lady Gaga is not one of the favorite targets of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter, but the stories about her tend to have a negative slant. Last year she was labeled a homewrecker, so calling her a man stealer is about par for the course.

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Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Ali Lohan! Lindsay's little sister works as a model and is only 17, but she's already had a remarkably unnecessary and unattractive plastic surgery and has lost a ridiculous amount of weight.

Another shining testament to the parenting skills of the elder Lohans.

Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Dying to be thin (pictures of Lohan and Taylor Armstrong)
• Star: Ali Lohan plastic surgery scandal
  She's only 17
  

I debated whether the phrase "dying to be thin" should be considered a figure of speech or if Lohan and Armstrong should be put on the tabloid vulture watch. Given how tough a stretch Taylor Armstrong is going through and what a mess the Lohan family is, I decided it should be considered more literal than figurative and used the label Not Long 4 This World (indirect), the lowest level of tabloid death watch. Both probably have long lives in front of them, but adding them to the list is not going to ruin the tabloids' track record, which is very bad indeed. After adding these names, there have been 91 people marked for death in the rags since the beginning of 2010 and only ten of them have died so far.

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Publications: Weekly Life & Style, In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style and In Touch are both published by Bauer and this week, these two and these two magazines alone among the supermarket rags decide to tell dark stories about the bimbo Kendra Wilkinson, stories that make her husband Hank look long suffering, mature and responsible. Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Kendra confesses: I hit my husband
• In Touch: Kendra's secret breakdown
  depression suicide and divorce
  beneath the bubbly facade, she admits, "I'm a wreck"
  Threatens husband Hank she'll kill herself
  Panic attacks and blackouts
  What finally forced him to take the baby away

Best wishes to Hank Baskett and the adorable Hank Baskett Jr. I hope both of these guys make it out of this okay.

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(picture from TMZ.COM/rights by Getty Images)
Publications: People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash... on Wednesdays? Yes, all but two of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter have online presence, so I can check out the covers today, and one story hit all the covers of the non-AMI mags. Jennifer Lopez and Bradley Cooper were seen dining together, and though their representatives say it was business, the gossip rags are having a field day. Here are the headlines.

• People: J. Lo's dinner with Bradley Cooper
• OK!: J. Lo and Bradley's hot date (only in OK!)
• Weekly Life & Style: Marc can't handle it
  J. Lo and Bradley's hot date
• In Touch: J. Lo and Bradley: Hot New Romance
• Us Weekly: J. Lo and Bradley: Revenge Date
  

Besides this story getting five mentions and two of them implying that Jennifer is only doing this to get back at her cheating spouse, my favorite detail is OK! being delusional enough to think this story is an exclusive. The picture I nicked is from TMZ.com, which published this story back on Sunday.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Teresa Giudice, she of the low forehead and scary eyebrows, is renewing her vows with her husband Joe, who is supposed to be heading to The Big House, if memory serves. Here are the headlines.

• A wedding to save the relationship
• Exclusive photos
• Despite Joe's drunken bullying, Teresa refuses to leave him.
• Inside their emotional - over-the-top second wedding
  

Tammy Wynette would be proud.

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Publications: In Touch, Star, OK!, National Enquirer
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Lots of stories about Sandra and Ryan this week, but not much consensus. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Ryan make Sandra happier than ever with a baby at 47!
  PLUS Why Ryan is the perfect dad!
  OK! exclusive
• Star: New drama for Ryan & Sandra: his ex gets involved
• In Touch: Sandra: New dad for Louis
• National Enquirer: Sandra betrayed by Ryan!
  He still loves ex-wife Scarlett

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

You might think the supermarket rags would realize that they are an important component in the horrible ecology of reality TV fame and the misery it causes.

Well, they might realize it, but most of them don't give a rat's ass.

One more story about Taylor Armstrong after her estranged husband (and accused wife beater) commits suicide.

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Publication: In Touch

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



We got a week's respite from Teen Mom last week, but of course that didn't last. According to In Touch, Maci Bookout is pregnant with Baby #2. She is now 20, so technically no longer a Teen Mom.

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Publications: Star, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

Still more about the alleged cuckolding of Will Smith in the supermarket rags this week, though only Jada's name appears in all three headlines, which are as follows.

• Weekly Life & Style: Did Marc really chose Jada over J. Lo?
• In Touch: Jada & Marc: what J. Lo knew
  
• Star: Will & Jada: Scientology and Gay Scandal
  Truth about their marriage

Doesn't being famous look like all the fun in the world?

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Publications: People, Us Weekly, In Touch

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



People, the most reliable of the gossip rags, tells us Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are moving in together and Us Weekly concurs. In Touch and OK! (see story below) extend the story quite a bit. Here are the headlines.

• People: Jen & Justin moving in!
• Us Weekly: Inside Jen's new home
  
  
• In Touch: Inside Jen's beach wedding
  
  The dress, the vows, the surprise celebrity guest!
  
  And why Jen is calling marriage this time around "so much sweeter"
  
  Only in In Touch
  
  The new home where they'll raise the babies!

Best wishes to the happy couple.

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Publication: In Touch

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



When it comes to Nielsen ratings, Jersey Shore is one of the big hits of reality TV. When it comes to interest from The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, it's not as popular as Mob Wives. Almost all the stories about Jersey Shore this year have involved JWoww, the taller brunette with the massive rack, who confesses to some plastic surgery.

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Publications: People, In Touch

Date: Sept. 5 2011



Welcome to gossip hell, Will Smith! The actor and rapper gets his first mention in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter in two years in the worst possible way with rumors about the dissolution of his marriage. His wife Jada Pinkett Smith has been mentioned one time before as part of a list in one of those coy "who's gay and who's not" lists the Enquirer likes to print.



The People headline is low key, just the line " Will & Jada marriage drama".

But In Touch really goes to town with the story, taking up most of the cover with pictures and headlines.

• Two marriages destroyed
• Jada steals J. Lo's husband!
• Exclusive photos & interviews
• Will Smith catches Jada & Marc Anthony in his home and runs out crying!
• Humiliated Will fires his staff for covering it up
• Details of their secret separation

Will and Jada are denying it and making public appearances to dispel the rumors, but this has gotta hurt. The idea that a woman is leaving you for Marc Anthony (?!?) is embarrassing to hear even if it isn't true.



As Leslie Gore wrote all those years ago, you would cry too if it happened to you.

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Publications: People, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, OK!, Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Only Ten Magazines That Matter treated the wedding of Kim Kardashian as a Big Damn Deal this week, with slightly less coverage than the Royal Wedding this spring, but more coverage than Chelsea Clinton last year.



Behold the power of reality TV.



Here are the headlines.

• People: Kim's wedding album
  
  The exclusive photos!
  
  only in People
  
  Gown! Guests! Glamour!
  
  Every delicious detail!
• In Touch: Kim's $400,000 wedding gift
• Weekly Life & Style: Kim's wedding album
  
  the ring, the dresses and that 7-foot cake
• Us Weekly: Kim's wedding
  
  fairy tale or fake?
  
  Inside her lavish $17 million I do's
• OK!: Kim's Fairy-tale wedding
• Star: Kim's wild wedding
  
  drunk stars and a shocking twist - only in Star

It's not surprising that Star would find a negative angle, but it is a little surprising that Us Weekly goes nasty, too. While I get the feeling there is some Kardashian backlash going on, the next logical step in the story is the pregnancy watch, and the gossip rags cannot help themselves when it comes to speculation about babies.



I don't think Kim is going away just yet. The rest of the Kardashian clan may be waning, but she has set herself up perfectly for the modern gossip industry.

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Publication: In Touch

Date: 29 August 2011



Most weeks, if there is a gossip rag headline that makes me smile, it is provided by the Weekly World News. This week, In Touch was trying to be serious drumming up interest in whether Pippa Middleton wore butt padding or not.



It's hard to believe grown ups get paid to write this stuff.



I'm not talking about myself, of course, because I'm not getting paid.

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Publication: In Touch

Date: 29 August 2011



Here's a fun fact. It's the obscure British playwright William Congreve (1670-1729) who wrote the line "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." This week's example of this well observed adage comes from Justin Theroux's ex. Here are the headlines.

• Hooked on Mr. Wrong
• His criminal past
• How he cruelly mocked Jen
• His ex: "He lied to my face!"
• "He'll never be faithful"
  
  
  
  

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Publication: In Touch

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! In Touch tells us Jennifer Love Hewitt has been seeing Ben Flajnik from The Bachelorette but that he decided she wasn't good enough for the likes of him.



Reality TV stars dumping real celebrities. The world has gone mad.

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Publication: In Touch

Date: 22 August 2011

In Touch is the meanest of the magazine not owned by American Media, Inc. and now they are following another AMI trend, the hatred of Scientologists. They claim to have a new tell-all book which gives people a glimpse into Katie Holmes' weird world.

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