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Showing posts with label Not Long 4 This World (indirect). Show all posts
Showing posts with label Not Long 4 This World (indirect). Show all posts

Damn You Skinny Alert™ and Problems With Plastic Alert™: Stories about Lindsay Lohan's little sister Ali

Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Ali Lohan! Lindsay's little sister works as a model and is only 17, but she's already had a remarkably unnecessary and unattractive plastic surgery and has lost a ridiculous amount of weight.

Another shining testament to the parenting skills of the elder Lohans.

Here are the headlines.
  • In Touch: Dying to be thin (pictures of Lohan and Taylor Armstrong)
  • Star: Ali Lohan plastic surgery scandal
    She's only 17

I debated whether the phrase "dying to be thin" should be considered a figure of speech or if Lohan and Armstrong should be put on the tabloid vulture watch. Given how tough a stretch Taylor Armstrong is going through and what a mess the Lohan family is, I decided it should be considered more literal than figurative and used the label Not Long 4 This World (indirect), the lowest level of tabloid death watch. Both probably have long lives in front of them, but adding them to the list is not going to ruin the tabloids' track record, which is very bad indeed. After adding these names, there have been 91 people marked for death in the rags since the beginning of 2010 and only ten of them have died so far.



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On the rocks alert and Don't try suicide warning: Kendra's story turns dark

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style and In Touch are both published by Bauer and this week, these two and these two magazines alone among the supermarket rags decide to tell dark stories about the bimbo Kendra Wilkinson, stories that make her husband Hank look long suffering, mature and responsible. Here are the headlines.
  • Weekly Life & Style: Kendra confesses: I hit my husband
  • In Touch: Kendra's secret breakdown
    depression suicide and divorce
    beneath the bubbly facade, she admits, "I'm a wreck"
    Threatens husband Hank she'll kill herself
    Panic attacks and blackouts
    What finally forced him to take the baby away
Best wishes to Hank Baskett and the adorable Hank Baskett Jr. I hope both of these guys make it out of this okay.



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