Publication: National Examiner
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner goes with a story about plastic surgery snafus, most of them on women older than I am, some who were famous before I graduated high school. There are pictures of Loni Anderson, Linda Evans (pictured above), Priscilla Presley, Courtney Love and Tanya Tucker, all of them looking a bit too much like Mickey Rourke.

Courtney Love is the odd person out on this list. Everyone else was famous in the 1960s or 1970s, while Love's fame started in the 1990s. Many from the target demographic for the low rent Examiner won't even know who she is.

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Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Ali Lohan! Lindsay's little sister works as a model and is only 17, but she's already had a remarkably unnecessary and unattractive plastic surgery and has lost a ridiculous amount of weight.

Another shining testament to the parenting skills of the elder Lohans.

Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Dying to be thin (pictures of Lohan and Taylor Armstrong)
• Star: Ali Lohan plastic surgery scandal
  She's only 17
  

I debated whether the phrase "dying to be thin" should be considered a figure of speech or if Lohan and Armstrong should be put on the tabloid vulture watch. Given how tough a stretch Taylor Armstrong is going through and what a mess the Lohan family is, I decided it should be considered more literal than figurative and used the label Not Long 4 This World (indirect), the lowest level of tabloid death watch. Both probably have long lives in front of them, but adding them to the list is not going to ruin the tabloids' track record, which is very bad indeed. After adding these names, there have been 91 people marked for death in the rags since the beginning of 2010 and only ten of them have died so far.

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Publication: In Touch

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



When it comes to Nielsen ratings, Jersey Shore is one of the big hits of reality TV. When it comes to interest from The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, it's not as popular as Mob Wives. Almost all the stories about Jersey Shore this year have involved JWoww, the taller brunette with the massive rack, who confesses to some plastic surgery.

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Publication: Us Weekly

Date: 15 August 2011



Vienna from The Bachelor show several seasons back hated her face, so she got a nose job. I don't watch the show, but from what I could gather, most people hated her personality more.

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Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Us has a long interview with Denise Richards inside. Here are the headlines.

• Hookers and drugs - what our girls know
• How I fled while six months pregnant
• Inside Charlie's craziest night ever
• While I regret my boob jobs
  
  

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Yet another grab bag story with lots of people on the cover requires an extra post for labels.

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Publication: Star
Date: 1 August 2011
(photo nicked for exposay.com, copyright Chris Hatcher)

Another grab bag of celebrities who have gone under the knife are presented on the cove of Star this week. There are a couple of "Guess Who?" pictures, but as you know, I don't play that. A lot of the women are older stars barely of any interest to the tabloids. For example, Linda Evans get mentioned for the first time in at least two years and Madonna and Lisa Rinna (pictured above) get mentioned for the first time in 2011. Suzanne Somers and Nicole Kidman are also mentioned, common names when plastic surgery is the topic.

If any name on the list counts as a surprise at all, they say that Jennifer Aniston, the youngest person on the list by several years, has been under the knife twice. Star has floated this story before.

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Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Renee Graziano! The show Mob Wives has been mentioned a few times already this year, but usually no names are given on the cover. This time, Mob Wife Renee is identified by name, and it's another bad plastic surgery story, a common ailment of reality TV stars.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 25 July 2011

The supermarket checkout rags not owned by AMI - People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly and In Touch - don't beat up real celebrities as much as the AMI publications do, because they actually get interviews and they need to keep access. On the other hand, they don't have to worry about access to reality TV stars, because the shows make certain they can get publicity, whether positive or negative. Because they do not fear reality TV stars, the magazines can tell as many negative stories as they want.

Right now, the most exploited sitting ducks are a whole mess of young girls from Teen Mom, the silly publicity hounds on The Bachelor/Bachelorette and Teresa Guidice from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Once again, she is mocked for having yet more plastic surgery.

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Publication: Star
Date: 18 July 2011

Star has an expose about the Hollywood stars using botox, with a promise of 14 pictures inside. The person they put on the cover was Megan Fox, an actress who gained fame by being willing to take pictures that made her look like a stripper or a hooker, then had a change of heart about that career path and more or less fell off everyone's radar.

She has posted a short video on YouTube that shows her forehead actually can wrinkle if she makes a supreme effort.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Teresa Guidice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has a husband going to jail and has recently filed for bankruptcy. The Enquirer wants you to know she hid away enough money to get $40,000 worth of plastic surgery.

Is there some procedure that will give you a forehead if you are forehead impaired? That would be the first thing I'd recommend working on.

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Publication: Star
Date: 4 July 2011

Kourtney and Khloe have been nearly forgotten by the supermarket rags for awhile, even before Kim announced her wedding and sucked all the air out of the room. But this week, Star puts all three on the cover with plenty of dish to go around. Here are the headlines.

• New sex tape
• Custody battle
• Secret pregnancy
• Plus: the truth about their plastic surgery

The custody battle would have to be Kourtney, since she's the only one who has a kid, but the other stories could be about any of the three. You'll have to buy the magazine yourself to find out, since I don't open them up on general principles.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 27 June 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Barry Manilow! Technically, he should not count as Hey Old Timer Gossip since he was not a nationally known hitmaker until after I graduated high school, but when I was in high school, he was writing jingles and working for Bette Midler, so he was well on his way.

Barry's in his late sixties now, so his story is going to be in the Globe (or the low rent Examiner) and like most people his age in the gossip rags, the story is about plastic surgery gone wrong.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 13 June 2011

The low rent Examiner thinks its target audience wants to hear bad things about the silver throated country legend, George "No Show" Jones, so it leads with a titillating headline about his use of Botox.

With all he's put his body through, he's lucky that he can use anything this side of embalming fluid to still look good.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 13 June 2011

The Enquirer once again smacks women around for the sin of getting old and blames plastic surgeons. The targets this time around are Cher, Goldie Hawn, Courtney Love, Lara Flynn Boyle, Tina Louise and Maria Shriver. There were also three "Guess who?" sets of boobs, but that would mean opening the magazine.

As much as I like boobs, it wasn't temptation enough.

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