Publication: National Examiner
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner tells a lot about their presumed demographic by producing gossip about Vanna White, who is only of interest to people who watch a lot of TV. Allegedly, they have an "exclusive" story about her having a crisis after a shocking report she's being fired.

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Publication: In Touch
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

You might think the supermarket rags would realize that they are an important component in the horrible ecology of reality TV fame and the misery it causes.

Well, they might realize it, but most of them don't give a rat's ass.

One more story about Taylor Armstrong after her estranged husband (and accused wife beater) commits suicide.

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Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



The Globe tells us that Barack Hussein Montgomery Clift Obama cannot hold his liquor and has collapsed after a booze binge. According to the headline, rehab is the secret behind his recent $5 million vacation.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

The low rent Examiner tells us the Camilla Parker-Bowles is once again upset, or continues to be upset. If we accept the view of the Globe and the low rent Examiner, she's always in a bad mood about something. In any case, here are this week's headlines.

• She collapses in jealous fit over Kate
• "They love her! They hate me!"
  
  

I created a new label this week, "we gotta collapser" specifically for the stories in which people collpse. I went back and re-labeled stories in which variations of the word are used, and this one will be the 23rd time. As you might expect, women do more collapsing than men, delicate little flowers that they are, and while women of child bearing age get more cover stories than older women do by far, about half of the collapsing stories are about women past the age of menopause. For example, this is the third collapse in a year and a half for Camilla, so she's averaging about one every six months.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

The Flagship has three stories in one about celebrities in trouble on the cover this week, but because there are so few stories in general - especially because of the J. Lo divorce and the Lachey-Minnillo wedding - all three will get separate treatment.

According to the Enquirer, Kate Middleton collapsed on the recent tour and her husband has ordered bed rest, what with him being an old fashioned future monarch and all.

Lucky he didn't send her to the Tower. He can do that, you know. Sadly, he can't do it to Rupert Murdoch.

(Psych. The royals actually can't do that anymore.)

This is a nominee for Meanest story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 18 July 2011

According to the Globe, Maria Shriver collapsed just days before signing the divorce papers. Technically, she has filed for divorce, but most people use the phrase "divorce papers" to signify the finalization contract that both parties are compelled to sign.

In any case, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 13 June 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Patti Davis! The 58 year old daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan is obviously upset that her brother Ron could give mom an aneurysm with his statement that Dad had Alzheimer's while in office, so she tries to give Nancy Dearest a full myocardial infarction by posing nude.

The low rent Examiner says the stunt had its intended effect and Nancy collapsed.

Stuff is always ruining her life. She's such a drama queen. Hon, just realize your kids hate you and move on with your life.

Karma's a bitch and so are you. Deal.

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