Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Earlier this month, Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car and briefly hospitalized. It was a one day story in the online gossip world and the timing was bad for the supermarket rags. But more than a week later, the Enquirer puts her on the cover with overly sensational headlines.

• Days after being hit by car
• Reese's Brain Surgery Drama!
  
• World Exclusive photos inside
• It could be deadly!

Technically, any strong concussion can turn deadly, but it's rare. For the serious over-reaction, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Say what you will about the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, they are equal opportunity haters across the political spectrum. They've slagged anyone in the White House since at least Bill Clinton, they've gone after John Edwards and Al Gore, but also Rush Limbaugh and now, Sarah Palin. They took the juiciest stories from the new book to be released by Joe McGinniss and put them on the cover this week. Here are the headlines.

• Sarah cheated on Todd with Glen Rice
• Husband Todd's racial violence
• Her naked nights with young girls
• She abandoned her kids
  

For those without a score card, Glen Rice is an NBA player and Sarah's alleged affair took place before she was married to Todd.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Barbara Bush is added to the tabloid vulture watch list this week because she's missing her granddaughter's wedding. The low rent Examiner is missing the possibility that the elder Mrs. Bush is just a "rhymes with witch" and doesn't like the granddaughter.

Last year, the low rent Examiner said that George H.W. Bush gave his ne'er-do-well son George and ultimatum to fix his marriage before the old man died, so he is also on the tabloid vulture watch list.

Whatever I think of their politics, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 29 Sept. 2011

In what shapes up to be a very mean week in the gossip rags, the Globe claims that two dead people were in fact murdered, though official causes say otherwise.

Russell Armstrong, widely reported to have committed suicide, was instead executed, according to the Globe.

Promising autopsy secrets and new evidence, the cover story also claims James Brown was assassinated while in the hospital.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner has a headline about an alleged new tell all book about Gay Hollywood. While they include the headline "Who's Gay and Who's Not!", by putting pictures of celebrities on the front cover, they put those actors under a cloud of suspicion.

Non of these actors has had a single headline in the tabloids in the past two years before this one.


The first is John Cusack.

The second is John Amos.


And the last outed John is Jean-Claude Van Damme.

I'm not the most avid follower of these kinds of stories, but I will say I've heard rumors about one of these actors before.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

And as always, stay classy, low rent Examiner!

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

I don't watch Dancing With The Stars, but I do somewhat admire the show's ability to generate gossip. Chaz Bono is the obvious negative lightning rod this season, though I think Nancy Grace will also add a lot of new people to the list of folks who hate her guts. The Enquirer says there is a shocker involving cancer for Chaz. Here are the headlines.

• DWTS Chaz Bono
• Cancer shocker
• His tears and pain
• World exclusive news and photos
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



You thought birther crap was dead, didn't you? It's merely resting, according to the Globe and Sheriff Joe Arpaio, the publicity hound pinhead who let Steven Seagal run over some suspect's dog with a tank.



And other than the consistent disregard for the law, why is the background of America's Toughest Sheriff's picture pink?



Just asking.



Here are the headlines.

• Tough talking sheriff investigates PHONY birth certificate
• Sheriff Joe Arapaio
• Will he be impeached?
  
  

I don't know if sheriffs can be impeached. I think they have to be recalled, or better yet, tried for criminal behavior and with their fat ass thrown in jail.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



The low rent Examiner tells us that Burt Reynolds may lose his home because he hasn't paid his mortgage in a year.



Maybe Burt reads the gossip rags and believes he'll be dead soon.



In any case, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Let the record show that while Taylor Armstrong was on the cover of several gossip rags because she was too skinny, The Only Ten Magazines That Matter ignored her husband Russell until the Enquirer wrote an article that said he beat her and put her in the hospital, and while the article was still on the stands, he committed suicide.



Now, after possibly driving the man to suicide, the Enquirer decides to kick a corpse and talk to his alleged gay lover. They also add the sub-headline "Housewives suicide tragedy!" just in case you forgot why this guy should be on the cover of a gossip rag.



I don't think outing a person is the worst thing in the world, but if that person isn't an anti-gay political figure like Marcus Bachmann or Rick Perry, I don't see the point.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Welcome to gossip hell, Tobey Maguire! The Star says he is to be named in an FBI report, probably as a result of the poker game that got ratted to the feds by a broke-ass hedge fund manager.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 August 2011



Oprah is still one of the favorite punching bags for the dogs from the AMI kennel, and while they write something positive about her once in a blue moon. Stedman Graham is only trotted out for negative stories. This time it's his brother, whose name is not given on the cover. The cops were called to his house, says a pal.



Pals like this you don't need, but then again, if you are reading this, chances are the tabloids don't much care about the drama in your life.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe

Date: 22 August 2011



The Globe, trying to get on the right wing outrage bandwagon, tells us that the president's fiftieth birthday party was a drunken bacchanal with "dirty dancing", thrown WHILE AMERICA SUFFERS. Inside, they promise THE OUTRAGE.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 22 August 2011



The Flagship tells us little Marc Anthony is going to get his revenge against mean ol' Jennifer Lopez with the favorite artifact of the gossip world, the tell all book. Here are the headlines.

• J. Lo's worst nightmare
• the ultimate revenge
• secret hookups with P. Diddy
• Butt implants and $100,000 plastic surgery
• Their shocking domestic violence
• Voodoo, witchcraft and animal sacrifices
  
  

While sex with Diddy is kinda icky, the domestic violence and animal sacrifices are the special touches that make this a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 15 August 2011

As much as I dislike Sarah Palin and her brood, I feel some sympathy for anyone whose name is dragged through the mud by the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. This week, it's the Globe's turn to spread rumors that Sarah and Todd's marriage is at the breaking point and it's up to their unwed, underage and already surgically disfigured daughter/single mom Bristol to fix the damage.

It's clear that American Media, Inc. doesn't want her to be president, so at least we have that in common. I would rather make this happen by telling the awful truth about her and not spreading lies, and that's where AMI and I part company.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 8 August 2011

Okay, let's get the facts out of the way first. There are tapes of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis that have not been released to the public. According to reliable sources, Caroline Kennedy will authorize their release this September.

Now we are expected to believe the low rent Examiner has a source that will tell us what's on them. They promise a look inside her "shattered life" and the secret of who was really behind the assassination of JFK.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 8 August 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Miss Celeste Holm! I loved her so much in movies that were made before I was born, like All About Eve and Champagne for Caesar. Well now, it's the low rent Examiner that tells us her family is squabbling about her money and she may lose her home.

The good news is that this is not a Brave Last Days alert for the Academy Award winning actress, who tuned 94 last April.

Best wishes to Miss Holm, her friends and whatever family members who are not trying to rob her blind, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

The Flagship has three stories in one about celebrities in trouble on the cover this week, but because there are so few stories in general - especially because of the J. Lo divorce and the Lachey-Minnillo wedding - all three will get separate treatment.

According to the Enquirer, Kate Middleton collapsed on the recent tour and her husband has ordered bed rest, what with him being an old fashioned future monarch and all.

Lucky he didn't send her to the Tower. He can do that, you know. Sadly, he can't do it to Rupert Murdoch.

(Psych. The royals actually can't do that anymore.)

This is a nominee for Meanest story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

The low rent Examiner tells a true story this week, also reported by reputable news agencies, that Willie Nelson faces jail time because as they put it, "Judge throws the book at country star".

Here are the details, found online. Willie smokes the herb. We already knew that. He got caught smoking and was put on trial. He's an old guy, and a famous one to boot, so the trial judge said that instead of jail time, Willie could come by the court house and sing Blue Eyes Cryin' In The Rain. ANOTHER butt-inski judge hears about this, says it isn't fair because other people caught smoking herb aren't given this option and, just to be fair, gives the 78 year old singer two years in jail.

You know, just to be fair. Because if we don't apply our stupid draconian laws fairly, people will stop having respect for them.

Through no fault of the low rent Examiner, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Mister Tony Bennett! The singer, painter and national treasure, who will turn 85 next month, has his name dragged through the mud by the Globe. They write about a new "tell-all book" that details Mister Bennett's ties to the mob, his drug use and cheating.

I have made a new label, Call Him Mister, especially for this story. Many ladies have gotten the "Call Her Miss" treatment on this blog, wonderful stars who have been around long enough they should be off limits to the garbage peddlers of the supermarket checkout rags. Mister Bennett is the first of his gender to get similar treatment here.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 18 July 2011

According to the Globe, Maria Shriver collapsed just days before signing the divorce papers. Technically, she has filed for divorce, but most people use the phrase "divorce papers" to signify the finalization contract that both parties are compelled to sign.

In any case, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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