Publication: People
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Here's a simple distinction between People, the nice and reliable gossip rag, and the National Enquirer, the mean and unreliable gossip rag. When People has a "best and worst" article, they put nice pictures on the cover. This time it's Kate Middleton, Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow, all looking elegant in nice dresses. The Enquirer usually goes with best and worst beach bodies, where everybody either looks like a beached whale or a skeleton.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Kate Middleton is neither the queen of Great Britain or the queen of the gossip rags just yet, but she's making a good run at it. This week, the Globe says wicked step-mother Camilla Parker-Bowles has had it up to here and will not accept Kate as queen, as if she has a choice. The headline continues with Camilla fleeing to America and demanding $20 million home here.

I'm not buying it. Not the story and obviously not the house.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! According to the Globe, former commoner Kate Middleton has gotten in to the swing of what it means to be a British female royal person, because she is up in everyone's business. Here are the headlines.

• Kate attacks drunken Prince Harry
• You need rehab! - she rages

Things often change slowly in this world, but sometimes it's for the better. Last year, "Kate" on the cover of an American gossip rags meant Kate Gosselin. Now it's Kate Middleton. To my mind, that's a big improvement.

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Link to the post above.

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Publication: OK!

Date: 29 August 2011



OK! tells us they have inside information on the actual eating habits of two women sometimes considered too skinny. The first is Kristen Stewart.



I'm sure she gets plenty of protein biting her lower lip. She does that all the time. Also, I've seen publicity stills from the latest Twilight saga. Wearing very little clothing and photographed from lots of angles, her arms and legs don't have that ridiculous emaciated look at all.

And the other is Kate Middleton. She may be too skinny, but she is a vast improvement over the #1 Kate of 2010 gossip, Kate Gosselin.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The low rent Examiner says that Charles and Camilla have split after she said something untoward about Kate. He is supposed to be residing the Castle of Mey, while she is in the Ray Mill house.



Being rich makes this sort of thing much easier, n'est-ce pas?

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Publication: Globe

Date: 22 August 2011



We have already had several rumors about Kate Middleton being pregnant, so the Globe ups the ante with one about her having a miscarriage. The Globe claims a "world exclusive" and tells us William has rushed to her side. He does that a lot.



It's easy to have world exclusives when you are just making stuff up.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last week, there were no stories about Wills or Kate in the American supermarket gossip rags, but they are back with a vengeance this week. Weekly Life & Style has a grab bag of stories about too skinny celebrities, but the big headlines go to Kate Middleton. Here are the headlines.

• Stressed over kidnap threats
• Pressure to be the perfect princess
• Rebelling against the queen
  
  
  
  

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This is a link to the post above, made necessary by too many labels.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Sorry for the weird picture. I was trying to find a shot of all three of the women in this story, Liz Windsor, Camilla Parker-Bee-otch and Long Tall Katy all together at once and this is the best I could do.

So, the Queen herself has stomped her mighty hoof and asked for the end of the alleged Camilla-Kate unpleasantness.

Though honestly, let's be fair. if Buckingham Palace, the very old building with the very sensitive feelings, wants to end the Camilla unpleasantness once and for all, it might take a high speed paparazzi chase in a Paris tunnel, if you know what I mean.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

The low rent Examiner tells us the Camilla Parker-Bowles is once again upset, or continues to be upset. If we accept the view of the Globe and the low rent Examiner, she's always in a bad mood about something. In any case, here are this week's headlines.

• She collapses in jealous fit over Kate
• "They love her! They hate me!"
  
  

I created a new label this week, "we gotta collapser" specifically for the stories in which people collpse. I went back and re-labeled stories in which variations of the word are used, and this one will be the 23rd time. As you might expect, women do more collapsing than men, delicate little flowers that they are, and while women of child bearing age get more cover stories than older women do by far, about half of the collapsing stories are about women past the age of menopause. For example, this is the third collapse in a year and a half for Camilla, so she's averaging about one every six months.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

The Flagship has three stories in one about celebrities in trouble on the cover this week, but because there are so few stories in general - especially because of the J. Lo divorce and the Lachey-Minnillo wedding - all three will get separate treatment.

According to the Enquirer, Kate Middleton collapsed on the recent tour and her husband has ordered bed rest, what with him being an old fashioned future monarch and all.

Lucky he didn't send her to the Tower. He can do that, you know. Sadly, he can't do it to Rupert Murdoch.

(Psych. The royals actually can't do that anymore.)

This is a nominee for Meanest story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 25 July 2011

Once again, the tabloids go forward with the rumor that Charles will be passed over and William will be king after his grandma dies. Note that Betty Windsor is only 85 and her mom lived to be a jillion. It's not a sure thing Charles will outlive her. Actually, it's not a sure thing Wills will outlive her.

That said, having someone pushed out of line for the throne without murder is really rare in British history.

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Publication: Star
Date: 25 July 2011

The Star has a story about Kate Middleton, but it has nothing to do with the visit. Before they were hitched, it was a little rude to say she was already pregnant, and now the rudest stories say she can't get pregnant because she's too skinny.

So Star puts both those threads together and tells us Kate IS pregnant and too skinny at the same time. In what they call a "pregnancy and anorexia shocker!", they say she is 95 lbs. and pregnant. Kate is 5'10" (or 1m 78 tall and weighing 43 kg for my non Yank readers). Some top models are that tall and usually even the way skinny ones are still slightly over 100 pounds.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: People
Date: 18 July 2011

Technically, Kate Middleton is not Princess Catherine but Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. (William is Duke of Cambridge as well as Prince William.) But in the gossip rags, she's just Kate, and she's still getting a lot of press, especially on this first trip to Canada and the U.S. All the other supermarket rags had Wills on the cover with her, but People was focused completely on her, not that guy she's married to who just going to be king one day.

It reminds me of a quip of John F. Kennedy on an overseas trip in 1961, when he told the press he was "the man who accompanied Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris".

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Publication: Globe
Date: 13 June 2011

The idea that Kate Middleton is way too skinny is not new to the gossip rags. The Globe reported that she weighed 105 lbs. last summer. I don't know how much she weighs, but she is 5'10" (1m78) and she always looks very trim. I've never seen pictures of her where her legs or arms look like spindles or her skin shows every rib, the way Callista Flockhart or Teri Hatcher have looked from time to time.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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