Publication: National Examiner
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner goes with a story about plastic surgery snafus, most of them on women older than I am, some who were famous before I graduated high school. There are pictures of Loni Anderson, Linda Evans (pictured above), Priscilla Presley, Courtney Love and Tanya Tucker, all of them looking a bit too much like Mickey Rourke.

Courtney Love is the odd person out on this list. Everyone else was famous in the 1960s or 1970s, while Love's fame started in the 1990s. Many from the target demographic for the low rent Examiner won't even know who she is.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids have been attacking the people in the White House since at least Bill Clinton, but there have been several stories of a different nature about the Obamas that imply that they are stealing from the American People.

You know... because they're colored.

Here are this week's headlines about Michelle Obama from the low rent Examiner.

• Michelle Obama spends $10 m of your tax dollars on vacation
• Special report
• Taxpayers sue to get it back
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Barbara Bush is added to the tabloid vulture watch list this week because she's missing her granddaughter's wedding. The low rent Examiner is missing the possibility that the elder Mrs. Bush is just a "rhymes with witch" and doesn't like the granddaughter.

Last year, the low rent Examiner said that George H.W. Bush gave his ne'er-do-well son George and ultimatum to fix his marriage before the old man died, so he is also on the tabloid vulture watch list.

Whatever I think of their politics, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner goes for nostalgic gossip that doesn't quite meet my standard for Hey Old Timer Gossip, which is to say someone has to have a claim to fame before I graduated high school. Melissa Gilbert's first big break as a child star is in 1974, so she just misses the 1973 cutoff date.

In any case, she is getting a divorce and her younger sister Sara is breaking up with her partner. The low rent Examiner figures this is the kind of news their readers can use.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner tells a lot about their presumed demographic by producing gossip about Vanna White, who is only of interest to people who watch a lot of TV. Allegedly, they have an "exclusive" story about her having a crisis after a shocking report she's being fired.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner has a headline about an alleged new tell all book about Gay Hollywood. While they include the headline "Who's Gay and Who's Not!", by putting pictures of celebrities on the front cover, they put those actors under a cloud of suspicion.

Non of these actors has had a single headline in the tabloids in the past two years before this one.


The first is John Cusack.

The second is John Amos.


And the last outed John is Jean-Claude Van Damme.

I'm not the most avid follower of these kinds of stories, but I will say I've heard rumors about one of these actors before.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

And as always, stay classy, low rent Examiner!

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

I rarely commend the low rent Examiner, but I'm glad to see them come out against reality TV in general. If another supermarket rag did this, it would likely be hypocritical, but the low rent Examiner doesn't do stories about the Kardashians or Teen Mom the rest of the shows that snoop into not famous people's lives for no good reason. They will tell stories about Dancing With The Stars or cooking shows, but that's a slightly different part of the genre.

The sub-headline says that reality TV has cause nine suicides and twenty divorces, and they have pictures of Camille Grammer of Real Housewives, Kat Von D. of LA Ink and Justin Tennison of The Deadliest Catch, who was found dead in a Homer, Alaska hotel room last February.

They also have a poll inside to find out what their viewers think.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



The low rent Examiner writes that Paula Deen is fighting back against unnamed critics, though the latest person to take public potshots at her was Anthony Bourdain, who called her "the worst, most dangerous person in America."



The Southern cook, who seems to think butter is the fifth basic food group, is quoted as saying "I cook for REAL Americans!"



Yeah, real FAT Americans.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

Once again, the vultures of the tabloid press go after Miss Loretta Lynn, this time pumping the warning up to Defcon Whatever. The only other celebrity to get "THE END" treatment was Miss Elizabeth Taylor and she was dead within six weeks of that.

As always, best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



I have to say, the low rent Examiner did everything right with this story on the front page. Here is the headline.

• Alex Trebek mystery
• The hooker, the hotel, the fall
• What happened that night?

Doesn't that make you want to open the magazine and read the story?



For the record, I didn't open the magazine, but I was tempted.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



This week, there were three updates on people who are under Brave Last Days watch that make it sound like maybe the end is not so near after all. About five months ago, the low rent Examiner put Dick Van Dyke on the tabloid vulture list. This week, they say the 84 year old actor is very happy with a 39 year old "galpal" whom he credits with saving his life.



Best wishes to Mr. Van Dyke, his family and friends, from a fan.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



The low rent Examiner tells us that Burt Reynolds may lose his home because he hasn't paid his mortgage in a year.



Maybe Burt reads the gossip rags and believes he'll be dead soon.



In any case, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 29 August 2011



I have very few nice things to say about the low rent Examiner, but in general they leave reality TV alone, with the exception of Dancing With The Stars. Now they go and lose that one small saving grace by discussing real mob wives, including one from the show Mob Wives, Karen Gravano.

Karen Gravano - drug rap

Cheryl Caruso - broke

Andrea Giovino - Death threats

Love Majewski - Target

Linda Scarpa - beaten

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 29 August 2011



Labor Day is rolling around, and the low rent Examiner wants us to know that the Muscular Dystrophy Foundation finally got as sick of Jerry Lewis as right thinking Americans have been sick of him since, oh I don't know, Don't Raise the Bridge, Lower the River. They are allegedly afraid of what he might say.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The low rent Examiner says that Charles and Camilla have split after she said something untoward about Kate. He is supposed to be residing the Castle of Mey, while she is in the Ray Mill house.



Being rich makes this sort of thing much easier, n'est-ce pas?

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 22 August 2011



The low rent Examiner shows that their demographic skews older and more Southern than other gossip rags by tattling on country stars who can't be trusted by their women, Blake Shelton, Tim McGraw and Randy Travis. It should be noted that the youngest of these "boys" is 36 and the oldest is 52.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 22 August 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Billy Crystal! Billy's first successes in show business are after I graduate high school, so this does not count as Hey Old Timer Gossip. Still, he is getting mentioned in the older skewing low rent Examiner for the same reason the Oscars don't think of him as a good permanent host. He's not part of the hip demographic anymore.

In any case, the low rent Examiner says that baseball fan Crystal lost $239,000 in a baseball scam. They don't make it exactly clear how it happened, but I assume it had to do with shady memorabilia.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 22 August 2011

Do you believe the low rent Examiner has inside information about the lives of people as protected as Bill and Hillary Clinton? Me, neither! But it's my job on this blog to publish all the headlines on the American supermarket rags, so here's what the low rent Examiner has to say this week.

Hillary has a heart crisis and has had terrifying blackouts this year. Bill has given an ultimatum.

If you believe the low rent Examiner.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Is "Barbara Walters' lesbian scandal" already more information than you wanted?



Yep. Me, too.



Stay classy, low rent Examiner!

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 15 August 2011



The low rent Examiner goes with another who's gay and who isn't story, this time about people in TV news. Here's the list of people who are officially out.

• Rachel Maddow
• Don Lemon

Here's the people who are not officially out.

• Anderson Cooper
• Sam Champion
• Matt Lauer

This is the first mention on the tabloid covers for Maddow, Lemon and Champion. The Enquirer published a story outing Cooper last year, though he has made no official comment. All the previous stories about Matt Lauer implied he was a heterosexual man slut.

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