Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Before a few weeks ago, the stories about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were mostly positive, but now, everything is going to hell in a handbasket. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Kim'n'Kris: Will the marriage be annulled?
• In Touch: Kim disses Kris' family

In Touch is the meanest of the non-AMI gossip rags, so when they get catty, it's not a big surprise. OK!, on the other hand, is the nicest if not most reliable American supermarket tabloid. If they are going after the couple, it's open season.

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Publication: Star

Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Jay-Z!  While his bride Beyoncé get mentioned on the cover of a supermarket rag every two months or so on average, This is the multi-platinum rapper's first story in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

 

And it's not an auspicious beginning. In an exclusive story, Star says Jay-Z is the father of a love child and this is a "shock" for his newly pregnant wife.

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Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Us tells us that the romance of Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz is no more. Weekly Life & Style had the same story last June. Checking online, they got back together after the last split, but now have decided to go their separate ways again.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Say what you will about the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, they are equal opportunity haters across the political spectrum. They've slagged anyone in the White House since at least Bill Clinton, they've gone after John Edwards and Al Gore, but also Rush Limbaugh and now, Sarah Palin. They took the juiciest stories from the new book to be released by Joe McGinniss and put them on the cover this week. Here are the headlines.

• Sarah cheated on Todd with Glen Rice
• Husband Todd's racial violence
• Her naked nights with young girls
• She abandoned her kids
  

For those without a score card, Glen Rice is an NBA player and Sarah's alleged affair took place before she was married to Todd.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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(Photo copyright Splash 2011)
Publications: Us Weekly, Star
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The new narrative emerges strongly this week in the Kardashian Family Circus. Kim's sisters hate her new husband and are clearly happy to rat to the gossip rags about any friction they see between the newlyweds. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Kim defends her love
  Her sisters hate Kris
  Khloe & Kourtney accuse Kris of using Kim for fame.
  How her new love is dividing her family
• Star: Kardashians tell all
  Newlywed Kim miserable already
  fighting over her fortune
  Kris tells Kim: I'm tired of faking it for TV
  Family turns against him

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner goes for nostalgic gossip that doesn't quite meet my standard for Hey Old Timer Gossip, which is to say someone has to have a claim to fame before I graduated high school. Melissa Gilbert's first big break as a child star is in 1974, so she just misses the 1973 cutoff date.

In any case, she is getting a divorce and her younger sister Sara is breaking up with her partner. The low rent Examiner figures this is the kind of news their readers can use.

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Publication: OK!
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

I thought there was a chance Jennifer Lopez would become more of a gossip target once she joined the judging panel on American Idol, but The Only Ten Magazines That Matter don't devote that much ink to that show. Now that her marriage has fallen apart and the rumors are that she was the dumpee and not the dumper, her gossip star is rising.

This week, OK!, usually the nicest of the gossip rags if not the most reliable, lets her cheating estranged husband drag her name through the mud.

Not that she doesn't deserve it.

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Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart are not a popular gossip couple. They got a cover story May of last year that was about their new baby daughter. According to Weekly Life & Style, they are keeping separate households and Gayheart is "pregnant and alone". The magazine identifies Dane as "McSteamy", a nickname given to him when he was on Grey's Anatomy, along with the actors known as McDreamy, McDopey, McGrumpy, McHappy, McBashful and McSleepy.

Notice that none of them was nicknamed McDoc.

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A link to the stories listed above, with an obligatory picture of Scarlett Johansson.

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Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! I've read some seriously trumped up stories in the tabloids over the past 20 months or so, but this one takes the cake.

And throws it in the trash.

Here are the ridiculous headlines.

• Trouble already
• Kim throws away her wedding cake
• Dumped in the trash!
  

This is silly. She gets paid to look like she does in the picture above. Wedding cake might as well be labeled "career poison" as far as Li'l Kim is concerned.

I honestly think there is a chance Kris will walk away from this circus eventually, but this is just nonsense.

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Publications: Weekly Life & Style, Star
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

If these headlines were about anyone else, I'd think it was planted crap in the gossip rags to build up a buzz because Brad Pitt has a movie coming out later this month called Moneyball. But the supermarket rags have BrAngelina stuff week in and week out regardless if either of them has a project that's about to be released. Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Inside Brad & Angie's bedroom
• Star: Angie tells Brad: Get out!
  His late nights with sexy, young assistant push her over the edge
  He met Angelina on the set too!

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Publication: Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



According to Star, recently wed Katy Perry and Russell Brand are going through a rough patch. The magazine promises to tell "the truth about Russell & blonde".



This is probably my least favorite couple outside of some reality TV pairings. To me she represents what's wrong with the music industry and he represents what's wrong with humanity.

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Publication: OK!

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



OK! continues to push the story of Brad Pitt's relationship with a young assistant on the set of World War Z, first leaked in early July. Here are the new headlines.

• Brad's mystery woman revealed
• (OK! exclusive)
• She shows off in a sexy bikini
• Parades around in her underwear
• Her x-rated message to Angie

Her name is not mentioned on the cover, but on the website OK! outs Lara Marsden as the culprit.

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Publications: People, In Touch

Date: Sept. 5 2011



Welcome to gossip hell, Will Smith! The actor and rapper gets his first mention in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter in two years in the worst possible way with rumors about the dissolution of his marriage. His wife Jada Pinkett Smith has been mentioned one time before as part of a list in one of those coy "who's gay and who's not" lists the Enquirer likes to print.



The People headline is low key, just the line " Will & Jada marriage drama".

But In Touch really goes to town with the story, taking up most of the cover with pictures and headlines.

• Two marriages destroyed
• Jada steals J. Lo's husband!
• Exclusive photos & interviews
• Will Smith catches Jada & Marc Anthony in his home and runs out crying!
• Humiliated Will fires his staff for covering it up
• Details of their secret separation

Will and Jada are denying it and making public appearances to dispel the rumors, but this has gotta hurt. The idea that a woman is leaving you for Marc Anthony (?!?) is embarrassing to hear even if it isn't true.



As Leslie Gore wrote all those years ago, you would cry too if it happened to you.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!



It looked like the Arnold Schwarzenegger divorce might become one of the biggest gossip stories of the year when it broke back in May, especially as juicy details kept leaking. But after an early flurry, everyone except the Enquirer and Globe lost interest. This latest story leaves Maria Shriver out completely, instead focusing on the secrets and threats between Arnold and the mother of his child Mildred Baena. The boy's name is Joseph.



I apologize for being insulting, but for such a rich and powerful guy, all the women Arnold allegedly cheated with have been pretty darned homely.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 August 2011



Yet again, the Enquirer's war on fat Scientologists continues unabated. According to some "pal" they talked to, John Travolta has left his wife Kelly Preston and their marriage is shattered. The same "pal" reports the quote "Kelly and I have become strangers."



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 August 2011



Oprah is still one of the favorite punching bags for the dogs from the AMI kennel, and while they write something positive about her once in a blue moon. Stedman Graham is only trotted out for negative stories. This time it's his brother, whose name is not given on the cover. The cops were called to his house, says a pal.



Pals like this you don't need, but then again, if you are reading this, chances are the tabloids don't much care about the drama in your life.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Examiner

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The low rent Examiner says that Charles and Camilla have split after she said something untoward about Kate. He is supposed to be residing the Castle of Mey, while she is in the Ray Mill house.



Being rich makes this sort of thing much easier, n'est-ce pas?

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Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star devotes most of the cover to three soon to be brides and the troubles that face them.

Christina: Secret ceremony

Jessica: Panic, tears and cold feet

Kim Last-minute dramatic texts from her ex!



There are also pink dots between the stories that have these headlines.

• Guess who's being betrayed by her man
• Revealed! Find out who's pregnant
  
  

Stay classy, Star!

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Publication: In Touch

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! In Touch tells us Jennifer Love Hewitt has been seeing Ben Flajnik from The Bachelorette but that he decided she wasn't good enough for the likes of him.



Reality TV stars dumping real celebrities. The world has gone mad.

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